"Oh! My life is entering a crisis situation. It is now time for me to start taking stress" , says no individual.
What is the first thing that we hear when we tell someone that we are under stress or in some kind of a "helpless" situation? "Been there, Done that!" , "It is a rough phase which shall soon pass" and the worst one : "You will get used to it!"
I had a friend in school who had the tendency to fall into trouble more often than one would expect. I wish I had gotten the opportunity to know her better since her mind is something that has always intrigued me. She was ever late to school, never did her homework and needless to say, she was in the bad books of all her teachers. One day I tried to strike an open conversation with her to see if I could give her some kind of assistance since our board exams were fast approaching. I walked towards her with a mind to give her a lecture on how she needs to get serious with her life and needs to set a definite path and goals. That evening I stepped out of my school walls realizing that I needed more help than her. This is the slightly fictionalised version of the conversation we had:
"You haven't touched your books yet! You have been consistently scoring below .. much below average in the term papers. I am worried for you."
"But why?"
"Because no university in this planet will take you in with these marks."
"That's not true."
"Okay I meant.. No TOP , Good University."
"So?"
"So... Don't you want to get into a good place?"
"And then do what? Get a nice job, earn a package of thirty lakhs by the age of twenty-five, then get married, have children and when they turn out to be like how I am today, tell them the same thing that you are telling me now? No. I don't want to get into a good place. "
"Then how do you plan to lead your life?"
"I plan to LEAD my life. That is exactly what I want to do. I plan to do things MY way and most importantly, do the things that I want to do and not what I am expected to do. "
"Alright. So you have no plans for your life?"
"Yes I do."
"And that is?"
"I plan to be happy and content in every step of my life so that if things don't work out the way I expect them to, I still have a reason to be happy."
And she was right. We had four weeks for our board exams when she first attempted to open her books. She took no coaching or assistance whatsoever and was the only one laughing and giggling on the day our exams commenced. When our results were declared, she walked out with an eighty two point two percent while I was sitting with a ninety three percent , head hanging low having all my "goals" and so called " definite path" dissolved into nothing and as she had rightly pointed out , having NO reason to be happy about. I had slogged for the whole of two years with nothing but ninety seven percent in my mind and was now forced to toss the value for my sedulous efforts into the dustbin in less than two minutes. Then when I met her and smiled a congratulations, she said this:
"Don't worry Sandhya. You will do well for yourself, just like I did today. You will find a reason to be happy in the midst of all the battle you fight everyday. The battle of wanting to be the BEST."
She would have been an extreme case to quote example of. However, she taught me something vital which is well embedded in my brain now. How many of us enjoy the process of achieving our goals? How many of us do our work WITHOUT thinking about how our end result would be. It is but natural to worry about how things will turn out but what I learnt in these three years is that it is what we learn during the process that is more important than what we get after the process. We are all going to be successful some day. How? This is how:
Success is a subjective term. Each person defines it in their own way. The best part about this word is that it can be used in an extremely flexible manner. Today if I score eighty percent in my math exam , I know I din't do too well but others don't. I need not explain where I went wrong to anyone or make excuses as to how this term the paper turned out to be relatively harder (while in reality it was the simplest paper ever). I just need to be happy and, TRUST me, no one will ask me a question after that. According to them I have been successful.
Moreover a person can keep redefining her perception of success by redefining her goals based on experimentation to find out what she thinks is achievable in the given circumstances and finally reach a point where she can say she is successful.
There is another thing that I have come to understand in these three years (with my small attempts at experimentation). Goals and Dreams are two different concepts and they cannot be used interchangeably. Goals are where you want to head to. Dreams are where you are already heading to, without your knowledge. It was my goal to get a ninety seven percent in my boards (which din't happen). It was my dream to get into one of the top colleges of the country (which did). Goals will lead into pressure ; social, parental and self. Dreams will lead into joy and hope. They will give you the driving force to achieve your goals. The person taking the least pressure in this world will be the one who has created the perfect synergy between his dreams and his goal. His needs and his wants And most importantly understood what according to him is failure and success.
Last week I had the two most life-determining (not really) events of my life.
A life-determining interview.
A life-determining exam.
I goofed up both. (And I am not the kind of person who goofs up things easily.) The best part? I am still here. Siting in the same room as I was a week back. Talking to the same set of friends as I used to a week back. Living the same life as I did a week back. So what has changed? Nothing. Probably things would have been different if I HAD done well. Different does not mean better. One can never tell. But now I am here, writing this article, smiling to myself, remembering my friend. Things did not end up the way I had expected them to. But I am happy. The things I learnt in the past few weeks are priceless; something I would have never learnt if I hadn't crossed this "phase", as people like to put it.
This is for all my friends who are giving their Boards, CAT, Placement interviews or any other competitive examinations. Each and every one of you are unique in your own way. Please do not let any of this determine where you stand in the list of success. No matter what happens today, the bigger picture is bound to be a beautiful one. Believe in that and chase your dreams, restructure your goals, and yes, Be Happy. Nothing is worth so much pressure.
I had a friend in school who had the tendency to fall into trouble more often than one would expect. I wish I had gotten the opportunity to know her better since her mind is something that has always intrigued me. She was ever late to school, never did her homework and needless to say, she was in the bad books of all her teachers. One day I tried to strike an open conversation with her to see if I could give her some kind of assistance since our board exams were fast approaching. I walked towards her with a mind to give her a lecture on how she needs to get serious with her life and needs to set a definite path and goals. That evening I stepped out of my school walls realizing that I needed more help than her. This is the slightly fictionalised version of the conversation we had:
"You haven't touched your books yet! You have been consistently scoring below .. much below average in the term papers. I am worried for you."
"But why?"
"Because no university in this planet will take you in with these marks."
"That's not true."
"Okay I meant.. No TOP , Good University."
"So?"
"So... Don't you want to get into a good place?"
"And then do what? Get a nice job, earn a package of thirty lakhs by the age of twenty-five, then get married, have children and when they turn out to be like how I am today, tell them the same thing that you are telling me now? No. I don't want to get into a good place. "
"Then how do you plan to lead your life?"
"I plan to LEAD my life. That is exactly what I want to do. I plan to do things MY way and most importantly, do the things that I want to do and not what I am expected to do. "
"Alright. So you have no plans for your life?"
"Yes I do."
"And that is?"
"I plan to be happy and content in every step of my life so that if things don't work out the way I expect them to, I still have a reason to be happy."
And she was right. We had four weeks for our board exams when she first attempted to open her books. She took no coaching or assistance whatsoever and was the only one laughing and giggling on the day our exams commenced. When our results were declared, she walked out with an eighty two point two percent while I was sitting with a ninety three percent , head hanging low having all my "goals" and so called " definite path" dissolved into nothing and as she had rightly pointed out , having NO reason to be happy about. I had slogged for the whole of two years with nothing but ninety seven percent in my mind and was now forced to toss the value for my sedulous efforts into the dustbin in less than two minutes. Then when I met her and smiled a congratulations, she said this:
"Don't worry Sandhya. You will do well for yourself, just like I did today. You will find a reason to be happy in the midst of all the battle you fight everyday. The battle of wanting to be the BEST."
She would have been an extreme case to quote example of. However, she taught me something vital which is well embedded in my brain now. How many of us enjoy the process of achieving our goals? How many of us do our work WITHOUT thinking about how our end result would be. It is but natural to worry about how things will turn out but what I learnt in these three years is that it is what we learn during the process that is more important than what we get after the process. We are all going to be successful some day. How? This is how:
Success is a subjective term. Each person defines it in their own way. The best part about this word is that it can be used in an extremely flexible manner. Today if I score eighty percent in my math exam , I know I din't do too well but others don't. I need not explain where I went wrong to anyone or make excuses as to how this term the paper turned out to be relatively harder (while in reality it was the simplest paper ever). I just need to be happy and, TRUST me, no one will ask me a question after that. According to them I have been successful.
Moreover a person can keep redefining her perception of success by redefining her goals based on experimentation to find out what she thinks is achievable in the given circumstances and finally reach a point where she can say she is successful.
There is another thing that I have come to understand in these three years (with my small attempts at experimentation). Goals and Dreams are two different concepts and they cannot be used interchangeably. Goals are where you want to head to. Dreams are where you are already heading to, without your knowledge. It was my goal to get a ninety seven percent in my boards (which din't happen). It was my dream to get into one of the top colleges of the country (which did). Goals will lead into pressure ; social, parental and self. Dreams will lead into joy and hope. They will give you the driving force to achieve your goals. The person taking the least pressure in this world will be the one who has created the perfect synergy between his dreams and his goal. His needs and his wants And most importantly understood what according to him is failure and success.
Last week I had the two most life-determining (not really) events of my life.
A life-determining interview.
A life-determining exam.
I goofed up both. (And I am not the kind of person who goofs up things easily.) The best part? I am still here. Siting in the same room as I was a week back. Talking to the same set of friends as I used to a week back. Living the same life as I did a week back. So what has changed? Nothing. Probably things would have been different if I HAD done well. Different does not mean better. One can never tell. But now I am here, writing this article, smiling to myself, remembering my friend. Things did not end up the way I had expected them to. But I am happy. The things I learnt in the past few weeks are priceless; something I would have never learnt if I hadn't crossed this "phase", as people like to put it.
This is for all my friends who are giving their Boards, CAT, Placement interviews or any other competitive examinations. Each and every one of you are unique in your own way. Please do not let any of this determine where you stand in the list of success. No matter what happens today, the bigger picture is bound to be a beautiful one. Believe in that and chase your dreams, restructure your goals, and yes, Be Happy. Nothing is worth so much pressure.
