For whom is a 'goodbye' harder? For the one who leaves or the one who is left behind?
I remember sitting with my closest friend in my house, just before I left the city of Kolkata for good. I was seven. So was she. To me back then, leaving a place for a new one was something as exciting as a vacation. I was in my packers' costume, something my dad came up with- a Jumpsuit, a cap on the head and a notepad in my hand. She walked in to wish me 'goodbye' with a card in her hand and an unusually unsettling countenance. I think we were too young to understand the concept of emotions or how one expresses it. She said 'I'll miss you', I reciprocated and hugged her with a promise to write her a letter every week.
So that was about it. Fifteen years now and on the phone with her a week back this is what she said- "In my twelfth grade, I used to go to your block for tuitions. Each time I crossed your building I could not help but smile, remembering you and wishing we could go back in time and relive those memories." All I could think of is the unsettling expression on her face the day I left. For me, I had a whole new life to begin, while she was returning to the same one only without the someone she really valued.
Having said this, we can still never be sure of the answer. 'Goodbye' is just one word. Indicating closure. Sometimes unavoidable. Sometimes a choice. Sometimes... a necessity.
I was sitting in the University a few days back as I wondered which 'goodbye' personally was the most unsettling one for me? The one that was unexpected or the one that was unexpressed?
I recollected the way my mother cried the evening before I left for higher studies. I was too excited, just like the child in the jumpsuit so all I could manage was - "Relax! We will Skype everyday! It will be like I never left". A 'goodbye' unexpressed.
Reflecting on the same I realised that the hardest part of a 'goodbye' comes from the memories associated with the person involved and the fear of things 'not being the same'; the fear of facing the brief period of instability. A 'goodbye' to the dependency.
'Everything's going to change!' I exclaimed childishly to my pal a few days back as we were getting crazy selfies clicked. 'I can never be this weird in front of anyone else and now you are leaving!!!' She laughed for a long while trying to get words out but only laughing more each time she opened her mouth to speak. Before we knew, we went back to clicking selfies. A 'goodbye' unsaid.
Sometimes I wonder, what really makes us miss a person? We meet people on a daily basis. Different kinds, different (interesting) specimens. How do we still have the space to miss someone. Probably you miss a person as long as you remember how you used to feel when they were around you. Once you cease to remember that, you cease to remember them the same way. Then there are those who will never let you forget that feeling. The memories remain fresh and never fade away. That's when you realise that after-all, there wasn't a goodbye. There will never be one...
I remember sitting with my closest friend in my house, just before I left the city of Kolkata for good. I was seven. So was she. To me back then, leaving a place for a new one was something as exciting as a vacation. I was in my packers' costume, something my dad came up with- a Jumpsuit, a cap on the head and a notepad in my hand. She walked in to wish me 'goodbye' with a card in her hand and an unusually unsettling countenance. I think we were too young to understand the concept of emotions or how one expresses it. She said 'I'll miss you', I reciprocated and hugged her with a promise to write her a letter every week.
So that was about it. Fifteen years now and on the phone with her a week back this is what she said- "In my twelfth grade, I used to go to your block for tuitions. Each time I crossed your building I could not help but smile, remembering you and wishing we could go back in time and relive those memories." All I could think of is the unsettling expression on her face the day I left. For me, I had a whole new life to begin, while she was returning to the same one only without the someone she really valued.
Having said this, we can still never be sure of the answer. 'Goodbye' is just one word. Indicating closure. Sometimes unavoidable. Sometimes a choice. Sometimes... a necessity.
I was sitting in the University a few days back as I wondered which 'goodbye' personally was the most unsettling one for me? The one that was unexpected or the one that was unexpressed?
I recollected the way my mother cried the evening before I left for higher studies. I was too excited, just like the child in the jumpsuit so all I could manage was - "Relax! We will Skype everyday! It will be like I never left". A 'goodbye' unexpressed.
Reflecting on the same I realised that the hardest part of a 'goodbye' comes from the memories associated with the person involved and the fear of things 'not being the same'; the fear of facing the brief period of instability. A 'goodbye' to the dependency.
'Everything's going to change!' I exclaimed childishly to my pal a few days back as we were getting crazy selfies clicked. 'I can never be this weird in front of anyone else and now you are leaving!!!' She laughed for a long while trying to get words out but only laughing more each time she opened her mouth to speak. Before we knew, we went back to clicking selfies. A 'goodbye' unsaid.
Sometimes I wonder, what really makes us miss a person? We meet people on a daily basis. Different kinds, different (interesting) specimens. How do we still have the space to miss someone. Probably you miss a person as long as you remember how you used to feel when they were around you. Once you cease to remember that, you cease to remember them the same way. Then there are those who will never let you forget that feeling. The memories remain fresh and never fade away. That's when you realise that after-all, there wasn't a goodbye. There will never be one...
